Talk It Out Tuesday: Coffee Chat
Stay in Your Lane Even When FOMO's Riding Shotgun
Playing the comparison game can become utterly exhausting. Learn how to ditch trying to keep up with the Jones' and focus on aligning with your own goals to stay ahead of the game!
**Spoiler Alert: this has been named the favorite episode so far of 2018 by the WBL group members!
Episode 6 Coffee Chat Replay
Episode 6 Podcast
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Lauren Dragon-Cook: Hi guys! How is it going on this Tuesday? Today we are talking about one of the hardest lessons I had to learn myself in business. It is something very near and dear to my heart because I’ve struggled with this myself. It is something as business owners we all struggle with at one point or another. I hope this will be a good talk today!
This is our 5th coffee chat! The others have been very business related… note-taking. But this one is going to be very conversational!
The title of this weeks coffee chat is:
Staying In Your Lane When FOMO’s Riding Shotgun!
Love this title! We all struggle with this. If you are saying to yourself, “No I don’t”, clearly you are either a master of being in total alignment with yourself or you are full of shit and your eyes are turning brown!
To break down the title a little more… its about avoiding the comparisons. How to still be part of the cutting edge of your industry, but not comparing yourself to others. We live in this society that is very go go go! We have to have the best of the best, we have to have the newest technology! With that comes this feeling of missing out. Right? We are missing out on something all the time, because there is so much happening all the time! You might be in your own little world, so half the time you don’t know what goings on in your own little world, especially if your office is at home.
So FOMO (the fear or missing out) is very connected to this industry because it is always changing. What I want to talk about a bit today is how we can once and for all truly stop the comparison game!
I’ll be totally honest with you… 100%... I myself was a victim to the comparison game and just recently this past Spring! When I was making the transition from being a wedding planner to doing what I am doing now, I felt like I wasn’t good enough. Isn’t that the heart of why we do the whole comparing thing? Long story short, I had joined a mastermind group because I felt I needed more help. I felt I needed guidance from somebody who knew more than me. Fast forward to February 2018… it took me a lot of money, thousands of dollars to realize that’s bullshit! I’m good enough! I don’t need your help. The way you do things is very different than how I do things! It took that kind of situation to realize that. I want to talk about the very expensive lessons I have learned from that situation.
Raise your hand if you have purchased at least 3 courses in your lifetime?
If you have invested in three different courses online and you didn’t finish any of them or two or them or one of them? How many people have done that? I’m guilty of this!
I know this talk isn’t something revolutionary, but this is something we all need to hear!
How many emails are in your inbox right now that are promising something that will completely change your business?
Think about this… this is the reality of our society and being part of this industry. We are bombarded with shit!
The last question I have is how many of you feel you are running on information overload?
If you feel you are running on information overload… if you feel you are always doing the comparison game… if you feel you are missing out on what the experts in your industry have… THIS IS FOR YOU!
Unflag and delete the emails that you are holding onto because you feel something in there might help you.
Don’t compare your real life to what you are seeing online. (You don’t know what is really going on behind the scenes!)
Let me ask a question… how many of you are AMAZING at showing someone else how to do something really well, but when it comes to doing that same thing for you… it’s a challenge? For example, I have no problem finding out what someone has for strengths! But when it comes to what do I do well? What is my strength? Game over! I can’t do it! And that is part of this whole comparison game. It is part of this living up to, it is part of this wanting to be as good as… We all do it. Why is that?
There are days that suck hard… but the one common denominator that has been there when I really have succeed… was when I stopped caring what everyone else was doing and I started doing me! Stay in your own lane. Don’t worry about what other people are doing. It doesn’t matter! When you start watching and looking at what someone else is doing, you start forming goals that are no longer your own! You see someone that just went to Hawaii because there was conference there… you then all of the sudden tell yourself you need to go to a conference in Hawaii. No! Stop doing that! If you are running a business you are wearing all the hats. Don’t put that stress on your plate too!
We all need a reminder that it is okay to be who we are and have our own goals. We don’t need to pay attention to what everyone else is doing!
I want to make sure if you are going to take an hour out of your day to listen to me or read this… I want to make sure I’m helping! That is all that matters. I could care less if I make a fool out of myself.
FIVE WAYS TO STOP COMPARING YOURSELF TO OTHERS
ONE: Realize that no ones life is perfect. There are moments that suck. What they put on social media is only one side (unless they give zero effs!). I’m trying to do that because social media is a great outlet but it needs to be more real!
TWO: Count your blessings. Once I started to take the small wins and make note of them… things changed. If I know I’m having a real shit day, I go outside and sit on the grass and just watch and listen. The birds don’t give a shit about what is going on in social media! It is helpful because it grounds you. It brings you back to reality and once you start to find the smallest wins, they start to add up. Then you start to see the positive in everything! Remember the next day is a new day.
THREE: Consider the source! Consider the source of your bad feelings. If you are “ugh” about something all of the sudden, you were having a decent day and then that changed… realize why it changed. What triggered that? If I were to be looking at a friends’ Facebook album and they took a trip to Greece and I start thinking “I wish I went to Greece”, what good is that doing for you? Click out of that and move on! When you start to say “I wish, I wish, I wish”… turn it around! Start saying “That looks awesome! I’m going to go to Greece one day”. When You start turning it around and making it affirmative it starts to snowball.
FOUR: Play up your assets! Play up your strengths. Don’t lie about it… but if you are AMAZING at calligraphy, show people that! That is okay! You are not doing it in a bad way! You are highlighting what you are good at. We are so quick to tell people what we are not good at. You should start saying what you ARE good at.
FIVE: Accept yourself for who you are, where you are at, at the current moment. You don’t need to be better than everybody else. You only need to be growing and comparing yourself to who you were yesterday. Those are the small wins! Those are how you are going to better yourself. When you start to look back and see how you’ve grown… YES!
I’ll wrap this up by saying… I stopped giving a damn about what other people thought about me when I began to own who I was. It was when I wasn’t in alignment. It was when I was trying to reach goals that weren’t mine anymore. If you really take an inventory of is this me or is this someone else? When you do that… you don’t care anymore about what people care about you. You know you are staying true to you. That’s all that matters. That’s it!
If you go to Google and type in “666 Angel Numbers” the meaning is “align your thoughts with the universe”. Remember this! Use this! Boom! The reason you are reading this right now is because there is something happening in your life and a reason you needed to hear all of this. Bear with me for a moment… I think I am the only person in this line of business, helping fellow planners and people in the wedding business that is going to start to openly use and talk about my intuitiveness. Yup, I just said that. I want to be able to fill in the gaps for you because I am able to feel what is missing for you in your business and your life. Now that I’ve put that out there… I guess it is something that will really be happening.
Q + A: What are you most concerned about?
Q: The biggest things I’m concerned about are that people don’t like me and I don’t want to post too much and seem I’m all about myself.
A: The rule of thumb… not everyone is going to see it. You need to post something 7 times in order for everybody to be able to see it. The algorithm for Facebook now… SUCKS. People wouldn’t have liked your page or joined your group if there wasn’t something that resonated with them. They want to hear from you! They want to know what you have to say! They want to see what you’re doing. As for the people who unfollow or unlike… they aren’t your ideal clients anymore! That is one thing I have had to adjust and realize too.
Anytime we have an insecurity in regard to self-esteem… it is always reflected as people don’t like me. Work on you! Love on you! When you start to get more and more comfortable about who you are… then that shit falls away.
Q: I find it harder to sell my self in print than in person.
A: I’m the same way! I know what I do, I know my services… but how do I convey that to someone else via print? I hired a copywriter for my services page. Sometimes it can be really challenging talking about and breaking down what you do in a format for people to understand. Sometimes you need to see how others see your services in THEIR OWN WORDS.
My ultimate goal is to not make anyone feel uncomfortable. It is not my jam!
First card: Start delegating. I got this a couple of days ago, so this must be a common theme for a lot of people.
“Ask others, including me, to help you instead of trying to do everything by yourself. When you feel resentment in your heart because you are carrying more of your share of the load, you are doing no favors for anyone including yourself. You need to ask for help to ensure you have time for contemplation and rest. One of the reasons I am able to sit so peacefully, is because I know the secret to true productivity. It doesn’t come through struggle or strife, rather it comes through a clear and focused line that is unchallenged by indecisiveness. You see making decisions is the shortest route to triumphant passages. Try to make up your mind the rest follows quite naturally. I therefore urge you to sit quietly and listen to the footsteps of your mind. Be open to your heart, they will quietly lead you to making your most important decisions and the rest will fall into place.”
Don’t try to be a superwoman, ask your partner for help.
Accept assistance as it is offered to you.
Release guilt for the belief that it is weak to ask for help.
Second card: Boundaries. That resonates so so so much for you all!
“Love yourself enough to say no to others demands on your time and energy. A sincere desire to give of service is wonderful, however there is a distinction between giving love to yourself and giving up yourself. If you feel tired, angry, or resentful while helping others, then you are not truly helping them are you? You are injecting poisonous energies into the relationship. Step back and reassess the situation to respect your own boundaries and recognize and respect them within you and in themselves as well.”
You are giving too much right now.
Become more assertive.
Don’t do things out of guilt or obligation.
This second card is the main point you want to take away. This is the thing you want to achieve. This next card I am going to pull is the block, it is the thing that is getting in the way of you creating those boundaries. Make sense?
Third card: Transformation. For anyone who is watching this/reading this… you are literally leveling up as we speak. Lots of energy today!
“You are going through a transformation. You are experiencing an enormous change right now which brings great blessings.”
What I am being told to tell you is you are in the midst of literally leveling the eff up. I see a painting and there are steps to painting. You have an outline and then you add the color. Right now you literally are doing the last few circles of color. The last step is to put your signature on it. What you need to know is you are almost done with your transformation. You are almost there. Keep going.
So the solution to your block…
Fourth card: Prosperity. A wave of abundance is literally about to hit you. Take that for what it is, but know that it is coming.
“The universe is pouring its abundance out to you and you need to receive it. Asking for help is a sign of strength not weakness. You are very powerful and I am here to support your growing power. It is right for you to receive this help as we function as a team. Purge your fears, worries, affirmations into my cornucopia of prosperity upon you now. Notice the new feelings, ideas, and visions within you. This guidance gives you a clear direction about which actions to take in conjunction with my assistance. Together we are unstoppable.”
I will just leave it at that.
This last card… if you continue to stay on the path that you are on… then this is the probable outcome.
Fifth card: Inner goddess.
“Awaken the goddess within you through dance, self-care, and appreciating your divinity. Allow your inner feminine wisdom and dynamic for you to rise to the surface. Cherish its power and meaningfulness. No matter whether your physical body is male or female, you have inner femininity that nurtures you and guides you to the principles. Now is the time to become aware of, take excellent care of, and celebrate your innocence.”
I hope all of this resonated with you all. Just know that we are all here to support each other. I know this wasn’t your stereotypical coffee chat. Next week will be!
If you have any questions or comments… let me know. I hope this brought some clarity. If you have yet to have a one-on-one chat with me, lets set one up! So much love to you all! I will see you next Tuesday.